The Cumber Poidy Citizens' Jetty Watch Team Alliance. "Dear members and ex-members, I have some important news for all of you. But first, here is the revised schedule for the next six days. Dmitri has asked for three days off duty because, as you all know, his wife has a had a baby. (hello Tatiana, hello little Katya!) Day 1: Andre, test the boards above the water for weaknesses. Amanda says she saw the beginnings of a crack opening up between boards four and five. Keep an eye on this, everyone. See if it gets any bigger. Day 2: Daniel, check the submerged wood for weaknesses and rotting. TAKE A TOWEL DOWN WITH YOU THIS TIME! Why do you need us to tell you how cold that water is? Day 3: Gavin, test the joins between the wood and the land. Borrow Dmitri's sounding hammer. Day 4: Yuki, the laquer at the end of board eight is flaking off. Please reapply. Do it in the morning so that the laquer dries during the day. Day 5: Leigh, check the book for the others' reports and do any general repairs. Day 6: Amanda, check the submerged embedding and de-weed the support poles. At last week's meeting we all agreed that the jetty has been looking fairly healthy for the past two months. There's no need to order new wood or staples from the mainland. Only one piece of equipment has been damaged. I don't know who dropped that hammer in the sea, but please dry it off next time that happens. And now for the important news. We have been planning a reunion of all the C.P.C.J.W.T.A.'s past members and the date has been set for next Saturday. Meet us in the Great Hall for drinks and dinner. As the Team's present leader, I will spoil the evening with three boring speeches. Yes, don't demur, I know you think I'm boring. You don't know what it's like to stand in front of a group of people and pretend to tell them what to do while all the time you know that the only thing going through their minds is, "Gosh he's dull." Every week I go home after the meeting and beat my head against a wall. I tell myself that next week I will be interesting. Next week, someone will want to walk home with me. They'll invite me in for dinner. This lifts my mood and I go on a long run around the tunnels. But by the time the next meeting comes, I'm back to being boring again. I just want to tell you all that I'm bitter about this and I wish you would stop. Written and signed by, Folate Morning. Leader of the C.P.C.J.W.T.A."